Love Songs For The End Of The World

by Jamie Hamilton

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1.
April 17th, Feels more like November at least, & I can see the words you're speaking As they spiral into steam and drift away. Our friends inside the bar Will probably wonder where we are, But it is loud enough & dark enough For bonds to break & scenery to change. We'd be asleep any other night. We'd be asleep. Mascara on my shirt, It talks of all the times you've hurt, & I just want to say the right words So I'm waiting for the chemicals to fade. We'd be asleep any other night. We'd be asleep.
2.
Weekday teacher / dancefloor creature, You will not be saved. As you hum along To your loving song, You will not be saved. Righteous, mic'd market preacher, You will not be saved. As you point and froth, Like you've done enough, You will not be saved. So fill my lungs Like you're traffic fumes, Pull me apart Like a fission muse. If I die young Then at least I was with you. Secret keeper / landslide seeker, She will not be saved. She can bend & swing In the changing winds, But she will not be saved. Carbon quota, Shoes in water, We will not be saved. As we forwards row In our backwards boats, We will not be saved. So pull my strings, baby, Read the news. Put the words In a centrifuge. When the lies come off At least we'll know the truth. So fill my lungs Like you're traffic fumes, Pull me apart Like a fission muse. If I die young Then at least I was with you.
3.
04:15
They moved the mines To the office blocks, the shops and bars, & I'm forever trying to be somewhere else. You say, "Suit up baby, We've got money to make. Suit up baby, Suit up baby, We're 2 laps behind our friends." Payslip plans In pale white hands. We've got hours to sleep But forgot how to dream. So I say, "Slow down baby, We've got people to be. Slow down baby, Slow down baby, You're 2 miles ahead of me." You make too many rules, love, I'm gonna make you break them all. So stop drawing maps Because you were never lost. Just bring yourself over here, & I'll bring you luck. I'll swear to be different, While you tell me I'm not. Tie our desks Around our necks, They can keep us warm As the sun sets. So I say, "Lie back baby, We've got things to forget. Lie back baby, Lie back baby, It's safer inside our heads." You make too many rules, love, I'm gonna make you break them all. So stop drawing maps Because you were never lost. Just bring yourself over here, & I'll bring you luck. I'll swear to be different, While you tell me I'm not. We're just swinging through the seasons now. Hanging on a summer we can hijack, & fly into the ocean. They moved the mines To the office blocks, the shops and bars, & I'm forever trying to be someone else.
4.
Your bedroom posters, Your four poster bed, How far away they scream. The blackness & the accident, & everything between. You're still feeling your way through the dark. The serotonin, Or the lack thereof, The cold heat of the grave. The invites & polite declines. Silent is safe, Silence is safer. It will never be fine But the fun is in the faking it. So open the blinds, We'll design our way out of this. We're still feeling our way through the dark.
5.
04:03
I used to be brave But I lost that bet, & the debt's not paid, I use the emptiness to prove That I'm still alive. Read my food & swallow the news, So I can't stumble on the truth. Stay concerned. Keep quiet. Stay blue. I can see you waving from the moon. But I can't find a way to get to you. What you say is not who you are. It's more the way you wear your scars. They say, "Everything's fast... It will pass... Nothing lasts." Drew a watch on my wrist. I drew a target on my chest. It couldn't stop time, It couldn't make you forget. I can see you waving from the moon. But I can't find a way to get to you.
6.
Your definition is indefinite. Every time I try to get a grasp of it, It runs through my fingers & settles in the sink to evaporate again. To contain you in a structure Couldn't ever do you justice, & I know it's just conjecture To assume you'd even want this, But I've followed you enough times, & all I ask is that you notice it. Your timing is impossible. Every time I stand to leave the waiting room The bell rings, & my name bleeds red across the LEDs. A glance, A smile, A pirouette. You're overflowing, I am cavernous. I don't ask for you to kill the chronic pain. I just need a diagnosis, So I can put a name on it. I think you think I think too much, I think you might be right. I think you think I think too much, I think you might be right.
7.
Red cup of coffee in your perfect fingers, A mess of broken speech in mine. You said I’d never be a pop song singer; I wasn’t dead enough inside. You were right. When we first met we were both drunk and shallow, & you’re the only one who’s changed. Your head’s a spinning wheel of blues and yellows, & mine’s a symphony of greys. Paint the walls of your house With someone else’s words, Change your hair or your car. Paint the walls of your house With someone else’s words, But don’t forget who you are. Dissected you in linear equations, It came out colder than rehearsed. I never dance until it’s way past midnight, Like Cinderella in reverse. It’s a curse. You’ve got your books, I’ve got my insecurities, To fill the gaps inside our brains. Lose me in the memories of last month’s magazines & lock whatever’s left away. Paint the walls of your house With someone else’s words, Change your hair or your car. Paint the walls of your house With someone else’s words, But don’t forget who you are.
8.
Words spoken. Time woven. The world was ours to steal So we jumped the ferris wheel, It never fails to turn. Words written. Truths hidden. Summer threatened & subsided, You were beautiful & blind, & I was terrified. Tell the me of 17; The sky could never be the sea, & a song can’t turn you into someone else. Ice melted. Miles counted. The serial denier Always climbs to some place higher When his time arrives. Dead river. Quick liver. We’ve had our time on land But soon the ocean will command That we crawl back to her. Tell the you that fell for me The fake that I turned out to be. Save her 7 years and save yourself.
9.
03:57
Pull your bones, I need to take you somewhere. If you’ll let me. It’s full of gravity and bad decisions. You’re alive. You should remind yourself of that. & I’m alive, Yeah, I exist. I’ve got the paperwork to prove it. We’re smaller now Than you could ever know, & there’s a comfort in that. But we’re lost In someone else’s half dream. I pull your thread. You throw out colour as you spin. & I could live Inside the glow, & I should tell you but I won’t. We forget how to love Under the weight of fucking, Then we forget how to fuck Under the weight of loving. You can’t have both.
10.
Elsie, always talking, Made of family, soup and lemonade, You’d take the 25 to town on Fridays. In doctor’s hands, we wait, And break The plans we made for Saturday, That cease to be important any more. “I’m ready”, lead and gold. Lead and gold. Holding a get well soon balloon, You left the aching room To meet the midnight moon. He had a song to sing to you. John, forever walking, Talked of cancer like a common cold. You’d feed the fish until your legs betrayed you. The paperwork came right away, The dead can rest, Life doesn’t wait, It’s been a month, Your frequency is fading. “Okay Jamie, see you soon.” See you soon. Carried by the drugs You met with Vera in the woods, Under the midday sun, She asked you where you’d been. Elsie and John, Midnight moon / midday sun, Met just once. There are lines connecting everyone.

credits

released May 17, 2019

All songs written, recorded and produced by Jamie Hamilton. Additional guitar on 'Start Of A Story' by Liam O'Doherty.

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